Kids Helpline External Link Tel.Fear of Adulting: I’m 21 But I Still Don’t Feel Like an Adult Reading Time: 7 minutes.If your child’s shyness is especially debilitating, you may like to consider professional help from a counsellor or psychologist. Praise them for skills they have mastered. Make sure your child is allowed to excel in what they do best.For example, reward a child if they greet someone who is new to them. Aim for small changes in behaviour first and gradually build up. Deliberately take your child into new situations.For example, saying ‘hello’ to another child may be a big first step. Aim for small, incremental steps and praise them for their progress. Praise your child when they handle an unfamiliar situation or meet a new person without resorting to shyness. Tell your child about the many advantages of not being shy.Practice these strategies with your child. Share personal coping strategies you’ve learned over the years on overcoming shyness.Strategies depend on the individual child and circumstances but can include: It is possible for the parent to encourage their child to be more outgoing. Model confident behaviour and lead by example. Since young children often see their parents as perfect, admitting to your own shyness can make your child feel better and reduce their overall anxiety. Tell your child about times in your life when you have been shy and how you overcame it.Encourage your child to talk about the reasons for their shyness – what are they afraid of?.Be supportive, empathic and understanding. Never criticise or mock your child when they are shy.Don’t let other people label your child as shy either.Children (and adults) tend to live up to the labels others give them. Be careful not to label your child as ‘shy’.Parents are very influential in their children’s lives – probably much more than parents realise. The less confident a child feels, the more likely they are to behave in a shy way. As time goes on, their confidence and self-esteem may start to falter. This self-reproach can make them more self-aware and self-judgemental and actually increase the likelihood of the child behaving shyly in future. If a child acts shy in a social situation, they may berate themselves for their behaviour afterwards. Fear of failure – children who have been pushed too many times beyond their capabilities (and then made to feel bad when they didn’t ‘measure up’) may have a fear of failure that presents itself as shyness.Harsh criticism – children who are teased or bullied by significant people in their lives (parents, siblings and other close family members or friends) may tend towards shyness.
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